it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
