Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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