Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
