It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
