I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
