I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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