I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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