got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
