Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
