Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
