Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
