Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize