But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
