i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
