White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize