I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
