I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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