i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
