her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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