I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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