my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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