My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
