He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My brain says no but my pants say off.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
