I saw his package. It spoke to me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
