So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
