Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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