I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
