so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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