No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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