Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
