Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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