what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
