I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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