My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
