Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
