I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
