you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
