and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
