you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
