I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
