So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
