Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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