Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
