he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
