my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
