there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
