It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize