she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
