Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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