Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
