We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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