Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
