if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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