you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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