I'm really into asian looking animals
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
