Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
