so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
