I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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