everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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