I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
smell my finger.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
