So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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