dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
