Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
