took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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