I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
