he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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