I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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