Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize