There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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