I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
