it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
A+ Viking dick
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
