I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize