I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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