The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
