I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
