Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
