We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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