Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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