Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
