well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
