i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it hurts more in the daytime
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
